Get married at an early age. Life is all about being a wife Learn all the household chores. It's a scale to measure our superiority. Learn to cook. A way to men's heart is through his stomach. That's the goal ladies. Get a degree for higher comparability. You know, if you want to be a housewife in the urban areas. Learn useful hobbies like knitting or sewing because how can painting or dancing be useful to anyone else? Do not be too fat or too thin. "Hourglass" is the word. Get a good complexion. The fairer, the better. We have to replace tubelights in the hour of need. Sacrifice for parents, husband and then kids later. We are very privileged, anyway. Give up your last name, your home, your parents and your whole identity. Get acid, fire or beating proof. Our life is full of adventures. In case of poverty, give up the chance to be educated. Brother can read better. Mentally prepare yourself to be a "house-wife" If you are allowed to work, mentally prepare yourself to be a working wife + a housewife. We are officially a Ninja. Learn this equation. Motherhood = Primary caretaker. Now repeat it 10 times. Give up your career if you want kids. Master's in Motherhood is what you need and Wife Executive is a top white collared job. Yes, it is. Be ready to hear opinions of people if in case you really WANT to be a housewife and a mother, because there is that kind too. No bold professions. No profession with a higher level of physical work. We don't want to damage our stilettos. Get this - Pink is our color. From womb to tomb. "Hail Pink" is our motto. Do not ask for motor trucks or toy guns. Barbies. WE WANT BARBIES. Stay alert. Always. Even when you are asleep. Who doesn't like that. Don't opt for public transport when it's crowded. Open roads are better for getting groped. Don't opt for public transport when they are empty. You have to master the ability of identifying just the right amount of crowd. Wear fully covered clothes. You might expose a virtue with that Do not apply heavy make-up. Makes you look inviting. Red lipstick = whore lipstick. You don't want that. Naa eh. Learn self defense. Beatrix Kiddo kind. Not to trust anyone. No one. Because everyone loves you. Carry pepper spray. The latest in the women's deodorant section. Cell phone should be fully charged. You never know when you are alone at night, in the middle of nowhere and you feel the need to order a pizza.. No roaming around after it's dark. Peter Pan might come, grab you by hand and take you to Neverland. No male friends. Are you a slut? No, right? No drinking. Relaxing in a bar with a bunch of friends is too mainstream. No parties or disco. Music make us waaayield! No Chow mein. No explanation. Call everyone your 'brother'. That one word is an instant demon modifier. Listen to and value opinions of bigots even if you don't know them. We flourish because of their blessings. Get objectified. We are Shapeshifters. We can be Tandoori Murghi or a doll or a beer bottle anytime we want. Be happy. There is very high chance you don't get to check off this list. You lived for only two months in a belly. You lucky little devil. Don't over-think. It is always our fault. We are unstoppable. Be everything, but you.
START TICKING, LADIES
