Checklist for Indian Men

 Ignore the invisible 'Occupation' under personal information on your birth certificate. It probably reads Engineer or Doctor.
 Accept that as son, the sole responsibility of earning bread, running/protecting the house and keeping the bloodline alive lies on your head. A side effect of having just one X chromosome.
 Childhood comes with being bullied by studs, adulthood comes with being challenged by studs. Nerds, geeks, artists - No No! Go for sports. It's a safer zone.
 Learn that your career and the scores on your mark sheet is a global issue. From your dad's friend to neighbor's aunty, everyone deserves to know them.
 Choose career based on everything else, but your passion. Passion won't get you a wife, six digit salary, a car and a 2 bhk house.
 Accept your mid twenties as your warrior phase. Earn, make a career, get married and breed. Failure to do so may give society the chance to look down upon you.
 Imagine your life as a conveyor belt. You are the product. It takes you through Birth > School > college > Fancier college >  Degrees > Job > Fancy job > Heavy salary > Marriage > Children > Earn > Earn > Earn > Earn > Earn......... Did I forget to mention, it's endless?
 Value the importance of India's contribution to Zero. The more you have, the worthier you are. On your paycheck, of course.
 Peer pressure; relish it. Pansy, sissy, coward, namard, faggot or loser will be your nicknames if you don't speak up to your girlfriend, don't want to drink alcohol, do household chores or spend too much time with your new wife. "Bros before hoes" is the official manthem.
 Value the importance of a woman's hand. They are costlier as it gets. It's like applying for a visa. Keep your bank statement ready.
 Hurry up. By the time you'll reach the age to get married, women you might like will be extinct.
 Get the striped t-shirt because once married, you are in your referee phase. It's a life long see-saw between your wife and mother. Good way to utilize the time you wasted watching WWF.
 Do not dream about staying at home, cooking or taking care of your children. You don't want to be called "the wife". 9 to 5 job is your Dharma.
 In the land of Rajnikanth, you have no right to be a "sissy". Gun, knife or an atom bomb, whatever it might be, get manly enough to fight them. Inability to do so drops you in the impotent-barrel.
 Urban men, get this. 'Don't be a pussy' is offensive and sexist. Use 'Don't be such a dick' to gain brownie points among women. It increases your non-sexist bar.
 From train coaches to a window seat on a plane, you'll always be given secondary preference. Deal with it. It's called "Darker sex treatment".
 Don't judge women based on their weight or body shape. Your physical aspects on the other hand have to be top notch. Short? Pot-bellied? Bald? No biceps and six-packs? Rot in hell. Stud category only includes Tall, Dark and Handsome.
 Do not go for taller women. Men HAVE to be taller. It's a biological law. How would you look down upon her, otherwise?
 Loving your own gender is filthy and punishable. Raping another gender isn't a big deal. Pick the easier one.
 Women can wear suits and boxers, but the moment you sport a pink shirt, you'll be cursed. Go for bomber jackets, heavy boots, chunky pants and a cowboy hat. Stay "manly".
 Stop being sensitive. Crying or expressing sentiments is not for your gender. No uterus, no tears.
 'Rapist' is a new tag offered to all Indian men by local and international crowd. Wear it with pride.
 Live a struggling life, only to be called dogs or a heartless and disrespectful gender because of few.

A feminist,
We understand. We are there.