I Love You

I was two and a half years old when she entered my life without dropping a statutory warning. I hated her. With all the attention and the love that she was getting, I just wanted to get rid of her. I often use to ask my parents if they could dispose her in the bushes. It's only when I see the old photographs right now, that I realize how much of a cute kitten she was with marble eyes and a cub face.

She grew up and the pool of trouble widened. I had to catch her hand and take her to school with me. She used to bawl like a crazy, stubborn brat and wouldn't walk a foot from the school gate. And hence, I was always late to class.The real issue started when she grew up and turned in to my size. Every morning I felt like Santa, trying to hide presents. The only difference was that I didn't want her to find them and that they weren't presents and they were mine. She was a master in finding them and in silently exiting outside the house like a feather..

Man.. I hated her.

I wanted to shoot her for every punches, kicks and scratches she gave me.
I wanted to shoot her for every burglary that happened in my closet.
I wanted to shoot her for every meal fight.
I wanted to shoot her every time she wanted to drive.
I wanted to shoot her for calling me names.
I wanted to shoot her for making me get up and switch off the lights at night, even when I was half asleep .
I wanted to shoot her when she rejected all my feet massage requests.
I wanted to shoot her when she gave me long shopping lists.
I wanted to shoot her every time she asked for Apple products!!

Yeah just like that! (2009)

But, I would take a bullet. I would take a bullet,
for every time she cooked for me,
for every time she read my face,
for every time she tried to cheer me up without making me realize,
for every time she would shop for me and I would sit in a corner like a boss,
for every time she wouldn't let anyone speak against me,
for every time she would fight for me,
for every time she was there for the family, more than me,
for every time she supported my biggest decisions,
for every time she helped me take those decisions,
for every time she made me forget I was the elder and she was the younger sister,

You are someone I'll never have to lose regardless of any consequences. Having you on the parallel bed and talking until we dozed off, was my biggest comfort at the end of the day.

Happy Birthday Notorious.
I wish I was with you on this special day.

I love you to death.

Happy Ganesh Visarjan

This post is a part of my Semblance series. ^

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GANPATI BAPPA MORIYA!

Ohhh! Oooh..Check out these silly ideas some people used.

How boring!

Immersing clay Ganpati in the water so that it melts and mixes with the soil...Psssttt... Noob!

In a Bucket? So lame.

Haaa! What is so enjoyable about this, huh?

Buri nazar wale tera muh kaala

Who doesn't recognize these three words? If you've been leaving under a rock and this doesn't make any sense to you, tell me. I'll send a giant troll to smash you under the same rock.

It might be the weirdest topic to talk about but, hey! what's weird if it's makin yah happy as a bubble.. eh?

I had a special relationship with trucks right from my childhood. When I was a kid, I used to sit on the tank of my dad's motorbike. He used to make me read things written on the back of the truck to keep me awake, as, I use to see-saw horizontally over the bike. When I grew up, my dad taught me how the first two alphabets on the number plates of these trucks signify the state the vehicle is being registered in. I still couldn't go wrong on that. And as majority of commercial transportation in India is done through trucks, I was able to see every state's truck wobbling along the highways. And thus, begin my journey with this amazing machine, without which no highway in India would look complete.

I've been on roads so much that one of the most belonging feeling that I miss right now is the zoooom sound of the trucks you hear in the middle of the night when the silence peeks in. The loud garbage trucks of California in the early morning makes me crave for the sweet trail of noise, a heavy truck leaves behind.

What have I seen in/on those trucks? Bizarre things. Everyone is aware about the spunky and perky quotes the drivers write on their trucks.

Scroll down to the comments to read the quotes. Translating them would kill the fun but, I'll be happy to translate if anyone feel the need to have a laugh or two.

The trucks are normally seen with two people. The driver and his side kick. Yes, let's call him the side kick. And when the three of them merges, fascinating things happen.

I have seen them, brushing their teeth and having a mini-bath in the seat, right in the middle of the highway during a traffic jam, I have seen the side kick putting sun glasses on the drivers head, I've seen them making tea right next to the steering wheel, I've seen them singing folk songs better than the ones we see on reality shows, I've seen mirrors, televisions, refrigerators, curtains, paintings, shelves, stereo system, fans, a life size cardboard cut out of Kareena Kapoor sitting between the driver and the side kick, a poster of Amitabh Bachhan, a 'welcome' mat near the driver's door, wind chimes and other such unique things which are least expected on a moving vehicle.

Epic. They are epic!

What I've seen behind the truck? Petrol, diesel, cotton, sugar canes, hay, tubes for drainage system, wooden logs, spare parts of airplanes and ships, cars, motorbikes, buffaloes, sheep, people, an elephant, chickens, stuffed sacs so overly loaded that the truck looked like a pug and millions of other crazy stuff. I also had this funny habit of stamping trucks with certain characters depending on their look.

Silly, huh?

They all have faces. Trust me.

The more I traveled, the more I was sure of some secret, unofficial competition going around between the truck owners. They decorate their trucks like a newly wedded bride and walk her on the highway ramp to check who has got the best.

On a serious note, people really don't realize the beautiful and intense art work that is crafted on such trucks. They really put in a lot of thought, time and sweat on decorating them. They cruise around with their trucks with so much pride, searching for jealousy in their rival's eyes. They spend, weeks and months and years on roads and their truck is their only companion during their vagabond journeys.

Exquisite art!

If I was the head of Pixar, to hell with Cars and Planes, I would make a movie called Trucks.

Tell me, I am not insane and it is normal to talk so much about trucks. Tell me, at least one of you who is reading this have also been enchanted with this super machine.

Actually, never mind.

I already feel it can be the best job in the world and if possible, I would be a truck driver. What better way to be on the roads 24/7, traveling east, west, north and south, stopping in the middle of the night to eat in cozy dhabas and drink tea in the middle of nowhere?

I already imagine myself, in a dhoti-lungi, raising my right leg up and patting it hard on the thigh and drinking lassi from a nasty glass.

So, never mind. I have already crossed the territory of saneness and it's impossible to get back to normal.

I need to stop.

The past couple of months have been tormenting and frustrating, with everything that is going around in the world. It reflected on my blog. I always try to keep a balance with my blog posts however, the recent ones were all filled with anger, sourness and sadness.

I am still not out of it. I am still furious with what is happening. I still want to write a lot and talk a lot about it but, I shouldn't do it right now. I NEED to bring the happy vibes back, at least for a while.

I am trying my hands on poems again, I am trying my hands on fiction, I am trying my hands on something different, which I believe have never been on anyone's blog. I need have to make space in my head and my blog for these things.

I would be glad if you could come up with any suggestions that might make the blog more readable and cheerful. Tell me something I can write better.

Till then, I would hum and dance with decadence in my own dark swamp.

Love and rockets,

An open letter to a rapist

This letter is not just for rapists, but for every eve-teaser, every sexual assaulter, every abuser, and every roadside romeo that exist.

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Dear loser,

Let me start with how fortunate you are to be in the lime-light these days. Your outstanding performance is in black and white all over. You must be feeling so proud.

Everyday you leave your house with your impotent little friend inside your pants, assuming that the world revolves around you both, thinking that every woman in the world is born to satisfy your lust, that your obnoxious little pleasure of ten seconds must be met at any cost.

Well, congratulations. You've been quite successful. Thanks to your comrades who are in your support indirectly. Your victims, alcohol, drugs, chow-mein, a woman's attire etc are being blamed for the golden deeds that you do. So, hurray!!! There are people making your job easier. 

While you console your manhood by doing brutal crime like rape, we talk about how you don't have any balls. You are no more entitled to be called a man, once you cross this limit. You doubt your manliness so much that you now hunt in groups to reassure your potency. Your actions have led to people telling us how to sit, walk, talk, act, dress, behave or breathe. No one is telling you how to keep it in your pants. So let me take the torch, tell you what's needed and shine some light on the other side of this hideous crime. In fact, let me tell you some bare facts you failed to learn in the fog of your ignorance.

      

We women are born just like you, delivered from our mothers, but in the process of our bodies getting developed we start getting fragile and vulnerable. The outer layer of our body becomes our shield and an unfamiliar and unwelcome touch always shudders us. Though you consider our bodies to be a rag or a trash bag, there is no place in our body that doesn't hurt, if pressed with force. 

The part where you mercilessly shove rods and what not, is called a Vagina. Yes, the very main reason of your existence. It is one of the most sensitive parts of our body. So sensitive that it is painful to even pass our fluids every month. Sometimes when you prey on young girls or kids, that little part is covered with a thin membrane which is called a hymen. Even when it's tore apart with utmost care, it causes the deadliest pain. But in your lust, you don't realize how agonizing the pain can be when something is forced inside. It crushes us. Even the loudest scream wouldn't justify the misery. 

How can you not see it? 

Every women have the same body part, however no girl except for your victims can imagine the anguish you cause to them. That little place we were talking about, is OURS. It doesn't matter if we are a doctor, an engineer, a patient, a student, a journalist, a kid, a wife or a prostitute, no one, but WE have the sole right on it and it is OUR decision whether to share it with anyone or not. No indirect sign or body language or our appearance, except for a "yes" signifies that we are inviting you. Not that you need any signal. You are a breed lower than the bulls.

That was physical pain. Let's talk about the emotional and mental trauma you cause. Our Indian society was and is a male dominant society. A small decision like talking to a guy in public, holding someone's hand, being in a relationship, or marrying someone outside the demanded society create havoc for us. We are talked about, called names. Now imagine living in such society when not only our body, but our identity is stripped naked. After your cruel actions, everyone is talking about where you touched us, where you nabbed us, where you scratched us, where you bit us, where you hit us, where you fucked us and it doesn't matter how much sympathy these creates, we are now a naked painting everyone is looking at. We have a permanent tattoo of "Raped" inked on our body and soul. We cannot pass a lane without being stared or talked about. We are also blamed for your pleasure and suddenly our wardrobe becomes the topic of discussion.

And it doesn't matter how strong we are, but when faced with such physical and mental trauma we have no option than to end our life. A final breath is more acceptable than to live with that pain. We prefer death and again, thanks to you, the man, the brother, the father, the boyfriend, the husband, the son, the friend, the neighbor, the colleague or the trust-worthy stranger we thought you were.

But sometimes we are not provided with the "blessing" of death and we just hang in there with a million tubes inside and tons of blood outside our body. Sometimes we just live with those bruises on our body and scars on our soul. Sometimes we are cursed with your offspring inside our belly as a reminder of your barbaric crime. Sometimes, the meaning of life just changes from living to surviving.

Such is the misery you create.

We are sisters, mothers, friends, wives, daughters, but before that we are women and there is nothing more dangerous than a woman who has nothing to lose. DO NOT make us lose everything. We deny to be your toy. We deny to be your pleasure-machine.

                     

The more you rape, the stronger we become as a community. While you plan to hunt your next victim, a lot of us are learning how to kick you in the nuts. We are taking precautions, we are keeping caution, we are rising, we are re-incarnating, we are gaining power, we are learning to fight, we are learning to say "no" with kicks and punches, we are getting right back at you.

We are not asking for sympathy, we are not requesting you, we are warning you. Do not test our patience for once the pot of our wrath will overflow, we will rape your existence from this world.

  

(Not yours) truly,

A wrathful woman on behalf of wrathful women

What Facebook can't do!

1). A Facebook like cannot solve your problems. Had it been this easy, half of my friends would be living a problem-free buttery life.

2). Facebook cannot convert your likes in to prayers. While this poor baby is really in need of prayers and happy thoughts, making him a mockery is preposterous. People who are trying to pray this way are doing nothing, but feeding likes-hungry trolls who sure doesn't care about the baby as much as they care about the popularity of their page.

 3). A Facebook like would not make you the most religious person on this earth, if it can, it will only make you a dumbnut.

 4). Facebook does not convert your likes in to salutes or "massive respect". How can one not see, how these pages uses every possible picture on internet, inserts "1 like = 1 prayer/salute/slap/kiss/hug/fuck " and display them everywhere on Facebook to make their page popular. If you really want to salute this man, Google him and write two kind words on the website which was created by his friends and family.

 5). Facebook do not make Gods talk. You really think if Lord Ganesha was speaking, all he would care were likes on a social networking site? Don't you read the line before the picture that throws an open tantrum "MUST VISIT OUR PAGE". Seriously, grow up.

6). A Facebook share and like is not going to measure your love for people. If you really are your proud of your son, go hug him or spend a minute with him, which you wasted, by sharing this picture. Maybe this picture is alright, but the last line bugs the hell out of me.

 7). Facebook cannot measure your love for your mom.
This was the worst and the cheapest method that I came across. No wait, there was one where it said, "Like if you love your mom, ignore if you want her to die" Yes, that was the worst. If nothing, I at least salute the strategies used by such pages to play with human emotions and make a fool out of them.

 One such example below. Trust me, I have gems.

8). Facebook do not and I say this with the highest voice my vocal chords can produce - NEVER donates money for your likes. Mark Zuckerberg have better charity options than to rely on your likes. Please do not use or let others use people's illness and bitterness of life.

9). Facebook likes does not make you patriotic.

The pages and their posts, like fruits, are seasonal. They optimize every season, every festival and every event. Like here, the Independence Day, delivers them a thousand more likes from the "patriots". The next one from this page would be "Can this brother GETS only 20000 likes?"  on Rakshabandhan, possibly with a picture of a poor brother. I weep for humanity.

Seriously?

10). Facebook is not Dr. Facebook. I am not able to find an appropriate picture here, but there have been lot of pages giving remedies to illness or even serious events like strokes or heart attacks. Many of those instructions and information is wrong. Seriously guys, jokes apart, you are now playing with people's lives. Please, at least always Google before putting up such information or to be on the safer side, just don't spread ignorant information.

And the award for the "Biggest attention-seeker in the world" goes to the maker of this page.

                    The sad part is, I didn't have to go anywhere else to get these pictures. They were all taken from my home page and that was the reason I had to come up with such obnoxious post. I totally believe in it's-my Faceboook-I-can-do-whatever-I-want or change-your-settings-if-you-don't-like-my-updates, but this is what I see everyday, from almost everyone. The easier way would be not to open Facebook at all.

                    However, if people are banging their heads on the wall, I believe in telling them that it would hurt, at least once. I cannot witness people traveling back to stone-age. Please note that, at no level I am mocking people's emotions. Share pictures, share stories, but for knowledge and not to feed moronic pages who fall the lowest of low to get likes and shares.

                   I have a Facebook page and I would be overjoyed too if I get a million likes on my page, but that doesn't mean, I should go on emotionally threatening people to like my page or else maybe they would lose their mothers!! If you like such pages, stop and think again. If you are maker of such pages, I have nothing, but sympathy for you. Your life must be sad and you don't have anything to give your ego a boost, other than likes of people on a social networking site.

Live long and prosper,

12 helpful tips for people staying away from family

Gone are the days, when people use to settle for schools or employers in their own city, no matter how defective they were. Students, salaried employees and professionals are now traveling around everywhere, to find the best. And everything is golden about those opportunities, until the time comes to find a place of our own, cook our own food and make our own bed.

It sounds childlike however, it IS a big deal. People get homesick and depressed and find themselves lost in managing a life outside their home. Many of them give up and go back to pavilion.

I was out of my house before I turned 18 and have never been home permanently since then. It has been eight years now. I had my own share of troubles, ill-management, depressions, home-sickness and failures but, I feel proud of my decision of choosing to live an independent life, which if I hadn't, I wouldn't be the person I am right now.

So, here is a small helpful guide for everyone who is going to or are already staying away from their family. At least some of these would surely help you down the road.

1) Make your peace with your roommates and landlord - Only if you are born with perfect karmas and glittering luck, you might end with perfect roommates. It all feels easy and smooth like butter in the start but, as time moves on and the habits and attitude of your roommates or landlord starts to surface, you start feeling strangled. You suddenly become capable enough to create a massacre. Even your tightest friend can turn out to be a worst roommate.

Solution? Make your peace with it. Everyone is different. Everyone's habits are different. Make yourself adaptable and flexible as much as you can. Ignore if you can't explore.

Just thank the lord, you don't have him as your roommate

2) Learn budgeting- The concept of being a king for the first fifteen days and a beggar for the last fifteen is not new to anyone, be it a student or a salaried employee . I was never able to do budgeting and that is why I know the consequences. Trust me, they are not pretty. Unless you want to survive on Parle-G and a teeny-tiny cup of tea, during the last week of the month, don't go on spending like a millionaire during the first two weeks. That goes specially for students who live on pocket money. Plan out your month according to your needs.

3) Deal with homesickness - This symptom differs from person to person. I use to get homesick, a lot. Do not let that feeling overcome you because, once you head towards your home, it takes a long time to get back on track. You spend hours on traveling, you get lazy, you extend your vacation and when you come back, everything seems much worse. And you are back to stage one.

Instead, use the technology. Call your family, Skype with them or text them. Make good friends but, avoid traveling to your nest every time you get homesick.

4) Get a vehicle - If you are going to stay in the same city for a long time, invest a little and get a vehicle. A simple moped would work too. You cannot imagine the terror of auto rickshaws and taxis. They make you beg and beg until you get on your knees and act as if you are paid to hire their three-wheelers. Plus, in a way, your own vehicle would be cheaper too, unless you spend your whole day driving around the city for fun.

5) Keep a safe back-up contact - At least have two to three responsible and reliable local numbers in your phone contacts. You might never know when you get hit by a car or catch malaria. And in a place unknown, it's a perk to know reliable people, whom you can call in the middle of night, in case of emergency. Don't be an ass and remember them only in emergency. Try to help them too, in your possible way.

6) Don't repel from your faculties, classmates, boss or co-workers - Like it or not, they are your family, away from family, even if you think they are mean or unfair. Mingle with them, try to know them and express yourself too. Create a bond and you might just build a whole new family there. This will also help you in dealing with homesickness. Of course there are people who cannot be pleased. In that case, follow our old rule - Ignore if you can't explore.

7) Stack up snacks - DO NOT and I cannot emphasize enough but again, DO NOT say no to those yummy home-made snacks your mom packs up with your luggage. You can never trust those untimely hunger calls from your tummy. There is no nightmare, like waking up super hungry in the middle of the night and having nothing around to eat. Stack up food like rats and ants, once you are away from home.

8) Learn to cook - And with that, I don't mean cooking Maggi. If you have a stove available, cooking is an extremely helpful option. I know, everyone is too busy to be cooking for themselves but, no matter how much finger-licking food is available at a cart near you, one time or the other, you ARE going to crave for healthy, homemade food. Your cooking skills would come in handy, then.

9) Be healthy and wise - The hectic hostel-like life makes us heavily addicted to tea and caffeine. I was a hopeless addict too but, try to control your urges. In long term, they ruin more than they help. And while we are at it, keep every addictions in control, be it drinking or any buck wild amusements you have to entertain yourselves. Be civilized. You don't want to wake up half naked on an unknown street of the foreign land.

10) Be nice - Now, this fairly depend on your character but, being nice won't hurt. Help others. Buy your roommie a lunch when he/she is out of money or help someone move or drop a colleague when he/she is in need or help your classmates with projects. These small things doesn't cost you much but, would surely turn you in to a much nicer person and people would look after you too.

11 ) Be safe - Don't forget you are at foreign place. You might not know all the people or all the localities like you know of your hometown. So, don't try to get all batcrap crazy and take patrol in the middle of night, thinking everything is okay. Times have changed and nothing and nowhere is safe. Take preventive measures, ALWAYS! (specially females)

12) Don't be a cry baby - Yes, don't be a cry  baby. I get it that you are away from your home and you had to iron your own shirt and no one cares about you, and you are forever alone and you had to eat bread and butter for dinner and you cannot recharge your cell phone with negative amount in your bank account and no one invites you to the cool parties and you cannot pass a week without repeating a t-shirt but, that doesn't mean you drive on the road to self pity. You are in a barrel, above people who cannot afford to study in a different town, above people who cannot leave their home to work outside because of too many responsibilities, above people who weren't brave enough to come out of the comfort of their homes to fight challenges in the outside world. So be proud of that and try to see the brighter side of the story. Find hobbies that would help you divert your mind from unnecessary issues.

*) Lastly, do not forget your purpose of being there. You do not want to go through all the things above and then end up with nothing in your hand.

The reason, I wrote all this - I would have lived a lot differently if someone would have handed me this list, 8 years ago.

Learning the hard way is fun too so it's okay to break these rules once in a blue moon after all, life is all about making the most out of it.This time of our life, however much bitter-sweet they are, would never come back. Live it. Enjoy it. Fall and learn. And one day, you would surely quote Bryan Adams,

20 reasons why aliens would never visit earth

1. They are too fragile to cope with terrorism.

2. They are not used to inequality.

3. No matter how strong they are, they accept the fact that humans are the most destructive species.

4. They do not understand religion and race and are scared of hate crimes.

5.They don't enjoy politics and do not desire to be the victims of political power.

6. They get inferiority complex from Lady Gaga.

7. Male Aliens wouldn't want to risk getting their pretty female aliens being raped or abused.

8. The parent-aliens would hate their cute baby aliens to be molested by pedophiles.

9. There are aliens who loves aliens of the same sex and at no cost, they want to get assaulted and hated for what they are.

10. They cannot digest junk food.

11.They like to have the communication privacy.

12. Owing to our rigid attitude, they know it would be impossible for the humans, to adjust with foreign people and they are afraid World War III might take place.

13. They have watched every Bruce Willis and Will Smith sci-fi movies and they know how it ends.

14. They are scared they would be laughed at because they don't care about Kardashians.

15. They feel it is loathsome to keep up with the future generation of planet earth. They don't want to pull themselves a level down.

Baby Baby Baybeee ooo....Bammmm..crushed!!

16. They feel the earth is too expensive and it would be tough keeping up with the high cost of living.

17. They do not understand the concept of corruption.

18. The gas is cheaper on their planet.

19. In a nutshell, they don't want to invade a land where its citizens are evil, flawed, heartless and live with a callous attitude. It's completely not worth it.

20. They are timid but, they are smarter. They are saving all their fuel and energy they would need to travel to earth. They are sitting on their fire couches, eating their metallic popcorn and are watching us humans, invading humans, on their huge-ass laser screen.