Checklist for Indian Men

 Ignore the invisible 'Occupation' under personal information on your birth certificate. It probably reads Engineer or Doctor.
 Accept that as son, the sole responsibility of earning bread, running/protecting the house and keeping the bloodline alive lies on your head. A side effect of having just one X chromosome.
 Childhood comes with being bullied by studs, adulthood comes with being challenged by studs. Nerds, geeks, artists - No No! Go for sports. It's a safer zone.
 Learn that your career and the scores on your mark sheet is a global issue. From your dad's friend to neighbor's aunty, everyone deserves to know them.
 Choose career based on everything else, but your passion. Passion won't get you a wife, six digit salary, a car and a 2 bhk house.
 Accept your mid twenties as your warrior phase. Earn, make a career, get married and breed. Failure to do so may give society the chance to look down upon you.
 Imagine your life as a conveyor belt. You are the product. It takes you through Birth > School > college > Fancier college >  Degrees > Job > Fancy job > Heavy salary > Marriage > Children > Earn > Earn > Earn > Earn > Earn......... Did I forget to mention, it's endless?
 Value the importance of India's contribution to Zero. The more you have, the worthier you are. On your paycheck, of course.
 Peer pressure; relish it. Pansy, sissy, coward, namard, faggot or loser will be your nicknames if you don't speak up to your girlfriend, don't want to drink alcohol, do household chores or spend too much time with your new wife. "Bros before hoes" is the official manthem.
 Value the importance of a woman's hand. They are costlier as it gets. It's like applying for a visa. Keep your bank statement ready.
 Hurry up. By the time you'll reach the age to get married, women you might like will be extinct.
 Get the striped t-shirt because once married, you are in your referee phase. It's a life long see-saw between your wife and mother. Good way to utilize the time you wasted watching WWF.
 Do not dream about staying at home, cooking or taking care of your children. You don't want to be called "the wife". 9 to 5 job is your Dharma.
 In the land of Rajnikanth, you have no right to be a "sissy". Gun, knife or an atom bomb, whatever it might be, get manly enough to fight them. Inability to do so drops you in the impotent-barrel.
 Urban men, get this. 'Don't be a pussy' is offensive and sexist. Use 'Don't be such a dick' to gain brownie points among women. It increases your non-sexist bar.
 From train coaches to a window seat on a plane, you'll always be given secondary preference. Deal with it. It's called "Darker sex treatment".
 Don't judge women based on their weight or body shape. Your physical aspects on the other hand have to be top notch. Short? Pot-bellied? Bald? No biceps and six-packs? Rot in hell. Stud category only includes Tall, Dark and Handsome.
 Do not go for taller women. Men HAVE to be taller. It's a biological law. How would you look down upon her, otherwise?
 Loving your own gender is filthy and punishable. Raping another gender isn't a big deal. Pick the easier one.
 Women can wear suits and boxers, but the moment you sport a pink shirt, you'll be cursed. Go for bomber jackets, heavy boots, chunky pants and a cowboy hat. Stay "manly".
 Stop being sensitive. Crying or expressing sentiments is not for your gender. No uterus, no tears.
 'Rapist' is a new tag offered to all Indian men by local and international crowd. Wear it with pride.
 Live a struggling life, only to be called dogs or a heartless and disrespectful gender because of few.

A feminist,
We understand. We are there.

Every. Single. Night

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four... sheeeep, ship, sheeeeep, why have the teens started using the word "ship" for "relationship"?... 'pyaar ki kashti mein'.... Hrithik does not look like Bradley Cooper... when will the next season of The Big Bang Theory start? I miss Sheldon Cooper, Bazingaaaaaa....What happened to that Priety Zinta case? *checks cellphone for updates*... are my pupils shrinking right now?.. I did this experiment in school.. I miss school... I wish I was in Monsters University... would they allow me to scare kids?.. kids are so cute, but puppies are cuter.. I want a German Sheperd.. no no.. a Labrador.. no a Northern Inuit, like Jon Snow's and the siblings'.. ewww The Mountain was so gross..Where was that ship going with The Imp in it?.. He is the most important character on the show. Is that why he is The Imp?.. tuition teacher use to write IMP on every page that was supposed to be read before the exam day.. tuitions are so overrated in India... I would have had 5000 hours of naps if there were no tuitions.. I love naps.. Why can't nights be about a lot of small naps.. They are, aren't they? why do they call it a nap.. is it because kids take more naps and kids were nappies, hence naps?.. can girls wear small nappies in their period when there is heavier flow?.. ewww we would look ridiculous.., but we can get a booty like JLo, Why did they allow her to make a FIFA World Cup song? That song is just noise.. Shakira, always go for Shakira.. OMG, we danced to "Whenever, Wherever" in school, in the staff-room, just for teachers! What the hell were we thinking... I like how an invisible bulb lights up on our head, when we get an idea.. I wish I had a real star for a bulb.. Universe is so huge, Solar system is so interesting.. Why did they kick Pluto out.. It was my favorite.. In the absence of Gravity, I would float and go meet people from all the countries...What if airplanes just wait in the sky and wait for the earth to move!.. Did I leave the microwave open? I see can see some light in the kitchen?, Are the windows of the living room closed?.. what is that noise? Is someone trying to break-in? I can hear whispering.. No one would try breaking-in.. This house is on the main street, the police would come faster than the bullet.. what if I was a police? How does it feel to catch a thief?.. Am I on the right track of life?.. Am I doing the right things with my life?.. What if I get very sick one day? What if my loved ones dies? life is so short.. I should starting going out more.. get more sun and fresh air..I should do a OITNB marathon tomorrow, in the couch whole day...What should I eat tomorrow? I want to eat Broccoli.. Does Broccoli know that it looks like Cauliflower?, What if they talk inside the fridge? Like bitching about how roughly I chopped some of them... so they hate me now.. What if everyone talks? What if Toy Story is real.. It should be.. I have a minion toy, if Toy Story is real, I can have a real talking minion.. Where can I learn Minion's language? I need to learn French.. I am so lazy... Merde... What if I start learning Spanish instead? Spanish is easy... 'Para Espanol, presione uno'.. Do I still have my Uno cards?.. Uno, dos, tres, cuatro.. omg it's 4am.. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four sheep.......

Checklist for Indian women

 Get married at an early age. Life is all about being a wife
 Learn all the household chores. It's a scale to measure our superiority.
 Learn to cook. A way to men's heart is through his stomach. That's the goal ladies.
 Get a degree for higher comparability. You know, if you want to be a housewife in the urban areas.
 Learn useful hobbies like knitting or sewing because how can painting or dancing be useful to anyone else?
 Do not be too fat or too thin. "Hourglass" is the word.
 Get a good complexion. The fairer, the better. We have to replace tubelights in the hour of need.
 Sacrifice for parents, husband and then kids later. We are very privileged, anyway.
 Give up your last name, your home, your parents and your whole identity.
 Get acid, fire or beating proof. Our life is full of adventures.
 In case of poverty, give up the chance to be educated. Brother can read better.
 Mentally prepare yourself to be a "house-wife"
 If you are allowed to work, mentally prepare yourself to be a working wife + a housewife. We are         officially a Ninja.
 Learn this equation. Motherhood = Primary caretaker. Now repeat it 10 times.
 Give up your career if you want kids. Master's in Motherhood is what you need and Wife Executive is a top white collared job. Yes, it is.
 Be ready to hear opinions of people if in case you really WANT to be a housewife and a mother, because there is that kind too.
 No bold professions.
 No profession with a higher level of physical work. We don't want to damage our stilettos.
 Get this - Pink is our color. From womb to tomb. "Hail Pink" is our motto.
 Do not ask for motor trucks or toy guns. Barbies. WE WANT BARBIES.
 Stay alert. Always. Even when you are asleep. Who doesn't like that.
 Don't opt for public transport when it's crowded. Open roads are better for getting groped.
 Don't opt for public transport when they are empty. You have to master the ability of identifying just the right amount of crowd.
 Wear fully covered clothes. You might expose a virtue with that sweetslutheart-neckline.
 Do not apply heavy make-up. Makes you look inviting. Red lipstick = whore lipstick. You don't want that. Naa eh.
 Learn self defense. Beatrix Kiddo kind.
 Not to trust anyone. No one. Because everyone loves you.
 Carry pepper spray. The latest in the women's deodorant section.
 Cell phone should be fully charged. You never know when you are alone at night, in the middle of nowhere and you feel the need to order a pizza..
 No roaming around after it's dark. Peter Pan might come, grab you by hand and take you to Neverland.
 No male friends. Are you a slut? No, right?
 No drinking. Relaxing in a bar with a bunch of friends is too mainstream.
 No parties or disco. Music make us waaayield!
 No Chow mein. No explanation.
 Call everyone your 'brother'. That one word is an instant demon modifier.
 Listen to and value opinions of bigots even if you don't know them. We flourish because of their blessings.
 Get objectified. We are Shapeshifters. We can be Tandoori Murghi or a doll or a beer bottle anytime we want.
 Be happy. There is very high chance you don't get to check off this list. You lived for only two months in a belly. You lucky little devil.
 Don't over-think. It is always our fault. We are unstoppable.
 Be everything, but you.

START TICKING, LADIES

Why Tyrion Lannister is the most unique character ever written

Game of Thrones is an ocean of characters. It is filled with lovers, fighters, rapists, whores, dragons, wolves, Hodor, witches, cannibals, walkers, pedophiles, incestuous, slashers and what not.

And among all those abnormalities lies Tyrion Lannister. The Imp.

Tyrion is a very underestimated character. Obviously, the most likable characters on the show are Jon Snow, who is too charismatic for the girls to resist, Arya Stark, who kicks asses with her tomboyish charm and Khaleesi, because let's face it, she is hot, have an army larger than the ants and have dragons for kids. So what makes Tyrion, the best?

Most of the characters on the show are either too weak or too strong, too beautiful or too ugly, too good or too evil, however it's hard to find a correct adjective for Tyrion.
We can start with 'relatable'. While the aspects of other characters looks unreal and fictitious, we can easily relate to Tyrion. He is one of us. He is like you. He is like me. Even though he is righteous, he is flawed. He is utterly, viciously and gorgeously flawed.

He is a dwarf.
He is scarred.
He is addicted to alcohol and whores.
He is insecure in his own skin.
He hates the way he is.
He is too afraid to stand up against his own family.
He don't have the strength to be with the woman he loves.
He understands what is right and he still can't mend things.
He is helpless.
He is not perfect.
He is flawed.

But we still like him. He is fiercely witty. He believes in good. He is not heartless. He hates morons. He is the only person who gave Joffrey a hard time. Remember when he slapped him?

More satisfying than getting our back scratched by someone

He make us have faith in the Lannisters. He faced the Batlle of Blackwater like a boss. He respects Sansa, even though he had the liberty to do whatever he want. He is one of the most unfortunate character even though he is a Lannister. The love of his life doesn't believe in him, his own family hates him to the core, his most trusted friend ditches him, he is controlled by others, he is a tragic hero, but he still manages to be empathetic towards people.

Regardless of all these goodness, it is his physicality, his scar and his flaws that makes him unique. Had he been a Jon Snow or a Jamie, with the good qualities he have, he would just end up being a normal guy. The dynamism of his character makes us like him and care for him. He has sentiments that no other character posses. The other characters on the show are too involved in their own stories, their revenge or their goals, but Tyrion alone fights for the good.
And just as he said, he didn't let words of others cut him. He took the name they gave, made it his own and didn't let anyone hurt him with it anymore.

He was always a delight to watch and I liked him from the start, but it was the trial scene from the sixth episode of season four that compelled me to write this post. Skip the video if you have not watched that episode.

**SPOILER VIDEO**

I am sorry Arya Stark. You just got dumped to number two on my GoT's favorite characters list.

Peter Dinklage took this character to another level with this trial scene. It is impossible to explain his flawless acting in words. Every word out of his mouth is like a reward for losing all the good characters in this show. His speech is like a roar of a lion and it gives us goosebumps. 

Therefore, I rest my case. Tyrion Lannister, you are guilty as charged for being too awesome.

Mr. George R.R. Martin, oh you good, clever, weird, evil old man, please don't take him away from us or

"I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you're safe and happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you'll know the debt is paid."

P.S. I request all the commentators to not write any spoilers for the sake of good manners and humanity.