An open letter to a rapist

This letter is not just for rapists, but for every eve-teaser, every sexual assaulter, every abuser, and every roadside romeo that exist.

**********

Dear loser,

Let me start with how fortunate you are to be in the lime-light these days. Your outstanding performance is in black and white all over. You must be feeling so proud.

Everyday you leave your house with your impotent little friend inside your pants, assuming that the world revolves around you both, thinking that every woman in the world is born to satisfy your lust, that your obnoxious little pleasure of ten seconds must be met at any cost.

Well, congratulations. You've been quite successful. Thanks to your comrades who are in your support indirectly. Your victims, alcohol, drugs, chow-mein, a woman's attire etc are being blamed for the golden deeds that you do. So, hurray!!! There are people making your job easier. 

While you console your manhood by doing brutal crime like rape, we talk about how you don't have any balls. You are no more entitled to be called a man, once you cross this limit. You doubt your manliness so much that you now hunt in groups to reassure your potency. Your actions have led to people telling us how to sit, walk, talk, act, dress, behave or breathe. No one is telling you how to keep it in your pants. So let me take the torch, tell you what's needed and shine some light on the other side of this hideous crime. In fact, let me tell you some bare facts you failed to learn in the fog of your ignorance.

      

We women are born just like you, delivered from our mothers, but in the process of our bodies getting developed we start getting fragile and vulnerable. The outer layer of our body becomes our shield and an unfamiliar and unwelcome touch always shudders us. Though you consider our bodies to be a rag or a trash bag, there is no place in our body that doesn't hurt, if pressed with force. 

The part where you mercilessly shove rods and what not, is called a Vagina. Yes, the very main reason of your existence. It is one of the most sensitive parts of our body. So sensitive that it is painful to even pass our fluids every month. Sometimes when you prey on young girls or kids, that little part is covered with a thin membrane which is called a hymen. Even when it's tore apart with utmost care, it causes the deadliest pain. But in your lust, you don't realize how agonizing the pain can be when something is forced inside. It crushes us. Even the loudest scream wouldn't justify the misery. 

How can you not see it? 

Every women have the same body part, however no girl except for your victims can imagine the anguish you cause to them. That little place we were talking about, is OURS. It doesn't matter if we are a doctor, an engineer, a patient, a student, a journalist, a kid, a wife or a prostitute, no one, but WE have the sole right on it and it is OUR decision whether to share it with anyone or not. No indirect sign or body language or our appearance, except for a "yes" signifies that we are inviting you. Not that you need any signal. You are a breed lower than the bulls.

That was physical pain. Let's talk about the emotional and mental trauma you cause. Our Indian society was and is a male dominant society. A small decision like talking to a guy in public, holding someone's hand, being in a relationship, or marrying someone outside the demanded society create havoc for us. We are talked about, called names. Now imagine living in such society when not only our body, but our identity is stripped naked. After your cruel actions, everyone is talking about where you touched us, where you nabbed us, where you scratched us, where you bit us, where you hit us, where you fucked us and it doesn't matter how much sympathy these creates, we are now a naked painting everyone is looking at. We have a permanent tattoo of "Raped" inked on our body and soul. We cannot pass a lane without being stared or talked about. We are also blamed for your pleasure and suddenly our wardrobe becomes the topic of discussion.

And it doesn't matter how strong we are, but when faced with such physical and mental trauma we have no option than to end our life. A final breath is more acceptable than to live with that pain. We prefer death and again, thanks to you, the man, the brother, the father, the boyfriend, the husband, the son, the friend, the neighbor, the colleague or the trust-worthy stranger we thought you were.

But sometimes we are not provided with the "blessing" of death and we just hang in there with a million tubes inside and tons of blood outside our body. Sometimes we just live with those bruises on our body and scars on our soul. Sometimes we are cursed with your offspring inside our belly as a reminder of your barbaric crime. Sometimes, the meaning of life just changes from living to surviving.

Such is the misery you create.

We are sisters, mothers, friends, wives, daughters, but before that we are women and there is nothing more dangerous than a woman who has nothing to lose. DO NOT make us lose everything. We deny to be your toy. We deny to be your pleasure-machine.

                     

The more you rape, the stronger we become as a community. While you plan to hunt your next victim, a lot of us are learning how to kick you in the nuts. We are taking precautions, we are keeping caution, we are rising, we are re-incarnating, we are gaining power, we are learning to fight, we are learning to say "no" with kicks and punches, we are getting right back at you.

We are not asking for sympathy, we are not requesting you, we are warning you. Do not test our patience for once the pot of our wrath will overflow, we will rape your existence from this world.

  

(Not yours) truly,

A wrathful woman on behalf of wrathful women

What Facebook can't do!

1). A Facebook like cannot solve your problems. Had it been this easy, half of my friends would be living a problem-free buttery life.

2). Facebook cannot convert your likes in to prayers. While this poor baby is really in need of prayers and happy thoughts, making him a mockery is preposterous. People who are trying to pray this way are doing nothing, but feeding likes-hungry trolls who sure doesn't care about the baby as much as they care about the popularity of their page.

 3). A Facebook like would not make you the most religious person on this earth, if it can, it will only make you a dumbnut.

 4). Facebook does not convert your likes in to salutes or "massive respect". How can one not see, how these pages uses every possible picture on internet, inserts "1 like = 1 prayer/salute/slap/kiss/hug/fuck " and display them everywhere on Facebook to make their page popular. If you really want to salute this man, Google him and write two kind words on the website which was created by his friends and family.

 5). Facebook do not make Gods talk. You really think if Lord Ganesha was speaking, all he would care were likes on a social networking site? Don't you read the line before the picture that throws an open tantrum "MUST VISIT OUR PAGE". Seriously, grow up.

6). A Facebook share and like is not going to measure your love for people. If you really are your proud of your son, go hug him or spend a minute with him, which you wasted, by sharing this picture. Maybe this picture is alright, but the last line bugs the hell out of me.

 7). Facebook cannot measure your love for your mom.
This was the worst and the cheapest method that I came across. No wait, there was one where it said, "Like if you love your mom, ignore if you want her to die" Yes, that was the worst. If nothing, I at least salute the strategies used by such pages to play with human emotions and make a fool out of them.

 One such example below. Trust me, I have gems.

8). Facebook do not and I say this with the highest voice my vocal chords can produce - NEVER donates money for your likes. Mark Zuckerberg have better charity options than to rely on your likes. Please do not use or let others use people's illness and bitterness of life.

9). Facebook likes does not make you patriotic.

The pages and their posts, like fruits, are seasonal. They optimize every season, every festival and every event. Like here, the Independence Day, delivers them a thousand more likes from the "patriots". The next one from this page would be "Can this brother GETS only 20000 likes?"  on Rakshabandhan, possibly with a picture of a poor brother. I weep for humanity.

Seriously?

10). Facebook is not Dr. Facebook. I am not able to find an appropriate picture here, but there have been lot of pages giving remedies to illness or even serious events like strokes or heart attacks. Many of those instructions and information is wrong. Seriously guys, jokes apart, you are now playing with people's lives. Please, at least always Google before putting up such information or to be on the safer side, just don't spread ignorant information.

And the award for the "Biggest attention-seeker in the world" goes to the maker of this page.

                    The sad part is, I didn't have to go anywhere else to get these pictures. They were all taken from my home page and that was the reason I had to come up with such obnoxious post. I totally believe in it's-my Faceboook-I-can-do-whatever-I-want or change-your-settings-if-you-don't-like-my-updates, but this is what I see everyday, from almost everyone. The easier way would be not to open Facebook at all.

                    However, if people are banging their heads on the wall, I believe in telling them that it would hurt, at least once. I cannot witness people traveling back to stone-age. Please note that, at no level I am mocking people's emotions. Share pictures, share stories, but for knowledge and not to feed moronic pages who fall the lowest of low to get likes and shares.

                   I have a Facebook page and I would be overjoyed too if I get a million likes on my page, but that doesn't mean, I should go on emotionally threatening people to like my page or else maybe they would lose their mothers!! If you like such pages, stop and think again. If you are maker of such pages, I have nothing, but sympathy for you. Your life must be sad and you don't have anything to give your ego a boost, other than likes of people on a social networking site.

Live long and prosper,

12 helpful tips for people staying away from family

Gone are the days, when people use to settle for schools or employers in their own city, no matter how defective they were. Students, salaried employees and professionals are now traveling around everywhere, to find the best. And everything is golden about those opportunities, until the time comes to find a place of our own, cook our own food and make our own bed.

It sounds childlike however, it IS a big deal. People get homesick and depressed and find themselves lost in managing a life outside their home. Many of them give up and go back to pavilion.

I was out of my house before I turned 18 and have never been home permanently since then. It has been eight years now. I had my own share of troubles, ill-management, depressions, home-sickness and failures but, I feel proud of my decision of choosing to live an independent life, which if I hadn't, I wouldn't be the person I am right now.

So, here is a small helpful guide for everyone who is going to or are already staying away from their family. At least some of these would surely help you down the road.

1) Make your peace with your roommates and landlord - Only if you are born with perfect karmas and glittering luck, you might end with perfect roommates. It all feels easy and smooth like butter in the start but, as time moves on and the habits and attitude of your roommates or landlord starts to surface, you start feeling strangled. You suddenly become capable enough to create a massacre. Even your tightest friend can turn out to be a worst roommate.

Solution? Make your peace with it. Everyone is different. Everyone's habits are different. Make yourself adaptable and flexible as much as you can. Ignore if you can't explore.

Just thank the lord, you don't have him as your roommate

2) Learn budgeting- The concept of being a king for the first fifteen days and a beggar for the last fifteen is not new to anyone, be it a student or a salaried employee . I was never able to do budgeting and that is why I know the consequences. Trust me, they are not pretty. Unless you want to survive on Parle-G and a teeny-tiny cup of tea, during the last week of the month, don't go on spending like a millionaire during the first two weeks. That goes specially for students who live on pocket money. Plan out your month according to your needs.

3) Deal with homesickness - This symptom differs from person to person. I use to get homesick, a lot. Do not let that feeling overcome you because, once you head towards your home, it takes a long time to get back on track. You spend hours on traveling, you get lazy, you extend your vacation and when you come back, everything seems much worse. And you are back to stage one.

Instead, use the technology. Call your family, Skype with them or text them. Make good friends but, avoid traveling to your nest every time you get homesick.

4) Get a vehicle - If you are going to stay in the same city for a long time, invest a little and get a vehicle. A simple moped would work too. You cannot imagine the terror of auto rickshaws and taxis. They make you beg and beg until you get on your knees and act as if you are paid to hire their three-wheelers. Plus, in a way, your own vehicle would be cheaper too, unless you spend your whole day driving around the city for fun.

5) Keep a safe back-up contact - At least have two to three responsible and reliable local numbers in your phone contacts. You might never know when you get hit by a car or catch malaria. And in a place unknown, it's a perk to know reliable people, whom you can call in the middle of night, in case of emergency. Don't be an ass and remember them only in emergency. Try to help them too, in your possible way.

6) Don't repel from your faculties, classmates, boss or co-workers - Like it or not, they are your family, away from family, even if you think they are mean or unfair. Mingle with them, try to know them and express yourself too. Create a bond and you might just build a whole new family there. This will also help you in dealing with homesickness. Of course there are people who cannot be pleased. In that case, follow our old rule - Ignore if you can't explore.

7) Stack up snacks - DO NOT and I cannot emphasize enough but again, DO NOT say no to those yummy home-made snacks your mom packs up with your luggage. You can never trust those untimely hunger calls from your tummy. There is no nightmare, like waking up super hungry in the middle of the night and having nothing around to eat. Stack up food like rats and ants, once you are away from home.

8) Learn to cook - And with that, I don't mean cooking Maggi. If you have a stove available, cooking is an extremely helpful option. I know, everyone is too busy to be cooking for themselves but, no matter how much finger-licking food is available at a cart near you, one time or the other, you ARE going to crave for healthy, homemade food. Your cooking skills would come in handy, then.

9) Be healthy and wise - The hectic hostel-like life makes us heavily addicted to tea and caffeine. I was a hopeless addict too but, try to control your urges. In long term, they ruin more than they help. And while we are at it, keep every addictions in control, be it drinking or any buck wild amusements you have to entertain yourselves. Be civilized. You don't want to wake up half naked on an unknown street of the foreign land.

10) Be nice - Now, this fairly depend on your character but, being nice won't hurt. Help others. Buy your roommie a lunch when he/she is out of money or help someone move or drop a colleague when he/she is in need or help your classmates with projects. These small things doesn't cost you much but, would surely turn you in to a much nicer person and people would look after you too.

11 ) Be safe - Don't forget you are at foreign place. You might not know all the people or all the localities like you know of your hometown. So, don't try to get all batcrap crazy and take patrol in the middle of night, thinking everything is okay. Times have changed and nothing and nowhere is safe. Take preventive measures, ALWAYS! (specially females)

12) Don't be a cry baby - Yes, don't be a cry  baby. I get it that you are away from your home and you had to iron your own shirt and no one cares about you, and you are forever alone and you had to eat bread and butter for dinner and you cannot recharge your cell phone with negative amount in your bank account and no one invites you to the cool parties and you cannot pass a week without repeating a t-shirt but, that doesn't mean you drive on the road to self pity. You are in a barrel, above people who cannot afford to study in a different town, above people who cannot leave their home to work outside because of too many responsibilities, above people who weren't brave enough to come out of the comfort of their homes to fight challenges in the outside world. So be proud of that and try to see the brighter side of the story. Find hobbies that would help you divert your mind from unnecessary issues.

*) Lastly, do not forget your purpose of being there. You do not want to go through all the things above and then end up with nothing in your hand.

The reason, I wrote all this - I would have lived a lot differently if someone would have handed me this list, 8 years ago.

Learning the hard way is fun too so it's okay to break these rules once in a blue moon after all, life is all about making the most out of it.This time of our life, however much bitter-sweet they are, would never come back. Live it. Enjoy it. Fall and learn. And one day, you would surely quote Bryan Adams,

20 reasons why aliens would never visit earth

1. They are too fragile to cope with terrorism.

2. They are not used to inequality.

3. No matter how strong they are, they accept the fact that humans are the most destructive species.

4. They do not understand religion and race and are scared of hate crimes.

5.They don't enjoy politics and do not desire to be the victims of political power.

6. They get inferiority complex from Lady Gaga.

7. Male Aliens wouldn't want to risk getting their pretty female aliens being raped or abused.

8. The parent-aliens would hate their cute baby aliens to be molested by pedophiles.

9. There are aliens who loves aliens of the same sex and at no cost, they want to get assaulted and hated for what they are.

10. They cannot digest junk food.

11.They like to have the communication privacy.

12. Owing to our rigid attitude, they know it would be impossible for the humans, to adjust with foreign people and they are afraid World War III might take place.

13. They have watched every Bruce Willis and Will Smith sci-fi movies and they know how it ends.

14. They are scared they would be laughed at because they don't care about Kardashians.

15. They feel it is loathsome to keep up with the future generation of planet earth. They don't want to pull themselves a level down.

Baby Baby Baybeee ooo....Bammmm..crushed!!

16. They feel the earth is too expensive and it would be tough keeping up with the high cost of living.

17. They do not understand the concept of corruption.

18. The gas is cheaper on their planet.

19. In a nutshell, they don't want to invade a land where its citizens are evil, flawed, heartless and live with a callous attitude. It's completely not worth it.

20. They are timid but, they are smarter. They are saving all their fuel and energy they would need to travel to earth. They are sitting on their fire couches, eating their metallic popcorn and are watching us humans, invading humans, on their huge-ass laser screen.

The night I was Eve teased

This is NOT fiction.

*********************

It was a day before my birthday. I was working with Courtyard by Marriott, Ahmadabad, which was around five hours away from my hometown. After working for straight 15 days, I had managed to get three week-offs, so I can be with my family on my birthday. Traveling to and fro consumes more than 12 hours out of those three days that I get, so I always preferred to travel as soon as I finish my work and come back to Ahmadabad few hours before my work, to use my holidays to the maximum.

This was the city I was least connected to. I had no close friends there, no relatives, no one I could trust or be with. I solely stayed here because of my work.

That day, I finished my evening shift at around midnight, went to my room to collect my luggage, had some grubs and took a rickshaw to the railway station to catch an early morning train which was scheduled to come at around 04 am. Though there was enough time left for the train, I preferred reaching the station before the devil hours of 1-3 am. I have always found railway stations safe and comforting. In fact, they were my second home as I spent half of my life commuting through trains. I was someone who always had the notion in my head that nothing worse could happen to me.

But that day, the same over-confidence was coming to crush me.

I reached the station and bought my tickets. Even though it was almost summer, it was quite chilly. The station was in complete silence and there were no movements. The lights were dim and hazy. The very few people who were present, were sleeping. I searched my platform and found a warm place under the shades to sit. I was toying around with my phone when three boys just walked down the platform.

Now, before you imagine the stereotype, let me explain their appearance. They all looked well-educated, well dressed, Nike-Puma-covered, well-fed, I-spend-more-than-my-father-earns boys. From the looks of it, they were college students, who like me were going to their own home towns. They stared, smiled and chatted among themselves. One of them teasingly asked me if it was the right platform for the Mumbai train.

I frowned and kept walking away from them, for almost 5-7 minutes. I was supposed to board the first coach of the train, so I walked to the end of the platform. At every station, both ends of the platforms are usually very isolated and dark and have no shades or roof. I folded my hands to keep myself warm and sat on a bench. I was tired from working all day. I texted my sister that I would be reaching before lunch.

In less than a couple of minutes, I saw four other men, shabbily dressed with tons of luggage walking towards the platform. They saw me by the bench and smiled at one another. They kept all their baggage on a corner and all four walked towards me and sat around at four different places surrounding me. They started passing vulgar comments, making it sound as if they were talking to one another. I got annoyed and angry at first but, it started to get intense. I looked around and there was no one. I gave one sharp angry stare at one of them. He laughed and said,

"Aise kya dekhti ho, kha jaogi kya?" (Why are you starting as if you are going to eat us up?)

I stood up and started walking towards the center of the platform, which was pretty far. I had a bottle of Coke on the side of my backpack. They all started walking behind me and one of them teased again,

"Bohot pyas lagi hai, thoda thanda milega?" (I am very thirsty, can I have a sip of your coke?)

I was terrified. My blood was boiling. I did see two homeless old men, however they were lying on the floor, completely intoxicated. I kept walking fast and with a corner of my left eye, saw one of the guy just an inch away from me. He grabbed my shoulder and said, "Chali kyu jaa rahi ho, baat toh karo." (Don't keep walking away, talk to me.)

My heart was pumping fast. My legs were trembling. I wanted to punch him so hard, but I knew it would worsen the scenario and there was no one around to back me up against four shameless men, who had nothing to lose. The other three men also joined him, trying to circle me and started passing more aggressive comments. I knew nothing I could do, except run as fast as I could towards someone. I looked around and saw a police officer drinking tea at a tea stall, on the opposite platform, around 30 feet away from me.

I said, "Karti hu baat, yaha ruko ek minute." (Sure, I'll talk to you, just wait a minute here.) They were surprised by my response for a moment, but still kept their moronic laughter on.
I paced a little and shouted at the police officer,
"Excuse me, sir. Yeh char ladke mujhe chhed rahe hai. Please help!" (Excuse me sir, these four men are harassing me, please help!) pointing towards them.

He threw his tea cup in the bin and jumped on the tracks, crossed them and jumped right up on my platform. The four men saw me shouting for help and started running for life. As that was the end of the platform, they managed to run endlessly. I signaled towards their luggage which they couldn't take away with them and told the police officer, it was theirs.

I was still shaking with fear and anger. I was stammering.

The police officer said, "Bhaag ke kaha jayenge, saman lene toh ayenge lukhhe salle. Aap chinta mat karo, beth jao shanti se, me yaha khada rehta hoon. Paani piyoge?" (How far would they run. They would surely come back to get their luggage, assholes. Don't worry, sit here, I would be here all the time. Do you want some water?)

I nodded my head for a no. I read his name tag which said "Mr. ______ Rathod" (I don't remember the first name.)

I went through all the possibilities in my head, of what could have happened, if it wasn't for this police officer. I wanted to thank him a million times, but words weren't coming out of my mouth. I held my legs to stop them from shaking and sat on the bench.

A gentleman in his 40s walked towards us and said he saw them running too. He started showering the usual wisdom -
"Times have become too dangerous these days."
"These bastards should be beaten to death."
.... and so on.

Mr. Rathod asked me the reason why I was out alone at that time of the night and why I didn't prefer a morning train. I told him I had to be back to work in a couple of days and I wanted to spend more time with my family. I also told, I wanted to avoid the rush that is usually present in the daytime.

He warned me to always opt for a public transport during rush hours or with a company. He also asked if I would be "bold" enough to file an FIR, which would enable him to bash those guys.
I was more than happy to do that. He asked for my work ID card, my complete name, address and other details. I think he was also responsible enough to make sure, I was not someone who was fooling around at that time of the night. I didn't mind his suspicion.

We heard the whistle of the approaching train. Me, Mr. Rathod and the "wise-advising-stranger" were all looking in the direction, where the four men ran.
As soon as the train arrived on the platform, we saw them, walking towards us. I was shocked to my life when I saw those smarty-pants, walking bravely, with different shirts. They exchanged their shirts among themselves to fool me. How naive! They really thought that wearing a different shirt wouldn't allow me to identify them.

How wrong were they. Their nasty, devilish faces were more than enough to haunt me.

"Yehi bande the na?" (These were the culprits, right?) asked Mr Rathod.
"Haa, shirt badal k aa rahe hai" (Yes, they changed their shirts.)
"Unhe pata nai, kis baap ko ullu bana rahe hai. Aane do saalo ko." (They don't know, who's their daddy.)

As they were coming closer, I could see the fear in their eyes. The same fear I had in mine, before.They came and started lifting their luggage on their back as if nothing happened. Mr. Rathod shouted, "Saman niche rakho aur ghutno pe, chalo ********" (Drop your luggage and on your knees, you mother effers!)
"Kya saab, humne kya kiya?" (What have we done, sir?)
The "wise-advising-stranger" kept whispering something in to my ears. I really didn't pay him much heed. I kept staring those men in their eyes, trying to find guilt somewhere. I didn't.

Mr. Rathod held one of them by his shirt collar and asked them to confess. They said they didn't do anything. One of them looked at me and said, "Kya behan, jhooth kyu bolti ho, batao saab ko, humne kuch nai kiya" (Why are you lying "sister", tell the police it wasn't us.)
He wasn't asking, he was threatening. And yeah, I was his sister now!

"Ek raat thane me rahoge, sab yaad aa jayega. Naam batao apna." (You'll get your memory back once you spend a night in jail.) said Mr. Rathod and asked their names to note down.
They kept begging to me, to take my complaint back.
"Thank you, sir." was the only thing that came out of my mouth.
"Koi baat nai madam. Aap jao, train chhut jayegi." (No problem ma'm. You should go now, you'll miss your train.) said Mr. Rathod.

I went inside and Mr.wise-advising-stranger followed me too and comforted me with,
"Chinta mat karo, main Surat tak saath me hoon apke." (Don't worry, I will be your company until Surat) which was a station an hour before mine.

I sat by the window and watched Mr. Rathod give the bullies, a taste of their own medicine. I saw the regret in their eyes. They kept asking me to persuade Mr. Rathod to let them go.

I didn't. I would never have.

The train started and I saw the platform moving away from me. I saw horror in form of those four men and saw gratefulness and bravery in form of Mr. Rathod, getting hazy and blur as the train caught its pace.
I closed my eyes for a minute and thought nothing. I just wanted to be home as soon as possible. My empathetic and talkative company kept talking about social vices women faces, for the next four hours. Strangely, I wasn't annoyed because he was still thousand times better than those who destroyed my faith in moving freely.

In less than two weeks, I left my job and Ahmadabad with bitter memories, making me dislike that city forever.

The terror I faced was very mild compared to what many women have been facing these days. We cannot even imagine their horror.

Enough has been already said, written and talked about this issue and I won't do it here, because my rage and directionless thoughts would go on and on. I just need to say a few things, which I wouldn't have learnt without this experience.

1. NEVER live with an over-confidence about how this could never happen to you. It could happen to anyone, anywhere. Be alert. Be prepared. Be cautious. Take preventive measure - ALWAYS! It took only four men, five minutes and an isolated platform to turn a confident woman like me in to a helpless, scared lady.

2. Just dump the stereotype of "bad" police. Yes, they can be moronic at times, but don't forget that not everyone is the same. If it wasn't for Mr. Rathod, I wouldn't have been boarding that train with contentment. It is our trust in them, that would motivate them to do something good for us. Respect them.

3. Women raise million banners in rallies, quoting how the females shouldn't think before traveling alone and that males should learn how to react etc, but that attitude is not going to help when you are landed in such situation. Things are not going to change over night and our aggressiveness isn't going to help either. Preventive measures will. Try to travel in rush hours and have a company if you have to travel after midnight.

4. Don't let fear overcome your ability to shout for help. I waited until I saw a police officer, whereas I should've just shouted or called anyone for help. Remember we are not doing anything wrong and the "shout" of help would at least scare the culprit away.

5. I have yet not shared this incident with my family, but always text or call your family when you feel you are or would be surrounded in such scenario. Let them know about your whereabouts. It will be helpful to them to figure out stuff, if things go wrong.

6. Abusers and bullies do not always come in the form of illiterate, poor people in ragged clothes. It was those literate, well-dressed boys who chased me away to the end of the platform, whereas they should be the one, standing around a woman to protect her. That's what they learn in school and talk about, endlessly, on Facebook and Twitter, don't they?

I just hope those four men never repeat what they did.

Stay safe.
Stay alert.
Stay strong.

A raindrop on my cheek

You ever felt so cold, you had to put on your woolen socks, wear the warmest sweats, put on a hoodie and rush to the bed, to envelop yourself in a soft, warm, fluffy blanket? You could feel your body dissolving under the covers like butter melting on a toast. You hear a very delicate sound of someone playing Hotel California on their acoustic guitar, next door. A cloud just thundered with an echo. You peek outside the window to watch the sky drizzle, like a shower of tiny diamonds.

You watch a leaf bow a little, after catching the first drop and getting back at its posture to drench completely, crafting tiny beads on itself. A graceful bird just flew under the tree, sat on the branch and flapped its wings. The wind is being the maestro and playing a symphony on your wind chimes. Your apple-cinnamon candle just blew off, leaving a trail of sweet, mushy scent.

Just when you are sensing the moist chilly breeze in your eyes, your loved one comes to offer you a hot cup of coffee with a kiss. You feel the warmth of the cup in your cold hands and experience every vein getting warm again. The gushing wind sways your hair and leaves tiny droplets on your cheeks. 

You turn on the television, to see your favorite movie just getting started. You melt more into your blanket, rest your back on the spongy pillow and take the first sip of your hot coffee. 

Yes.... that. That feeling...

You ever felt that?

Two hours with Madhuri Dixit

It was December 31st of 2006 and I was working on this last day of the year, while everyone were planning what to wear to their new-year partayyy.

I was an intern and was functioning as a restaurant hostess in Sampan, which was a Chinese specialty restaurant in Holiday Inn, Juhu, Mumbai. The restaurant was very popular and the awesomeness of the food made celebrities and politicians, their regular clientele. Sampan shuts off in afternoon and opens again in the evening for dinner. The staff still lingers in the noon as Mumbai traffic makes it hard to commute back to home and return in the evening.

I got this image from Google, but during those times, I had my podium where the right plant is, next to the glass.

So as usual, the enormous, tall, doors were closed that noon and no one except the staff is allowed to be in the restaurant at that time. It's actually the party time as everyone is their own master and no one asks them to take orders, serve them food or clear the tables.

The restaurant strictly plays Instrumental English Classics while the restaurant is in operation and the stewards and the captains loathed that. So when it's noon, they take full advantage and play loud Bollywood and Marathi numbers 'like a boss'. I on the other hand, have nothing to do except watch them enjoy this pretty little life pleasures of hotel industry.

The staff that day were in an absolute Ganpati-visarjan mood. One of the Bollywood fanatic got a new CD which had all the frenzied numbers of the trio khans. The songs were mainly from the 80s and the 90s. I was standing at my podium on the entrance, tapping my feet to "Tan tana tan tan tan tara",  allotting tables in my register for the evening reservations and wondering what non-pathetic people were doing that evening. And while I was doing this ghastly brain exercise, I saw someone walking towards the doors, through that glass.

As I said earlier, the restaurant was a famous spot for celebrities and I met tons of them on regular basis, for some of them to even know me by name. And though it was unusual in the beginning, it soon was an ordinary affair and I didn't had those oohh-aahhhs in my mind anymore. But this was something abnormal as it was none other than Madhuri Dixit. It doesn't matter if you are a die-hard Madhuri fan, an admirer like me, of her talents or someone who didn't pay much heed about her existence, but she has that spark in her where she leaves an impact on everyone.

So, I had to rub my eyes again to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. I wasn't. It was her, with her father and her two boys. She was walking towards me.

She was wearing black pants, blue kurti top and kolhapuri chappal on her feet. She had her hair in a braid and didn't have a single ounce of make up on her skin. Unlike her appearance on television, she looked thinner and a few shades lighter. 

OMG, she is coming towards the locked door. What do I do? What do I say? And while I thought that, the mash-up of all her songs and movies were playing in mind, in no particular order.

I started raiding my drawer to find the keys. I could at least open the door and tell her we were closed.

"Good afternoon. I am afraid, we are closed. I am so sorry. We open at 7." I started rambling still looking at her.

And there... there came that thousand watts smile. "I know, Main sirf sham k liye order dene aayi thi. (Hindi for - I know, I just came to place an order for the evening.) I have a party for 30 people at my house"

Her voice can't be more magical.

It was against the hotel rules to let any guests sit in the restaurant during closed hours. If they want to place an order, they have to call or either sit outside in the coffee shop. But how do I gather the audacity to tell Madhuri Dixit that she had to wait outside, she can't come in.

"Umm... let me check what I can do" I had wrinkles on my forehead now.

The bulb lit on my head. I asked them to wait and frantically ran like a kid towards my forever-laughing-happy-go-lucky-24 hours-jokes-maker-captain. He was the head, in absence of the manager and it wasn't hard to convince him.

"Areee bulao bulao.. koi gal nahi. Me sambhal lunga. Tu sab handle kario par, off hours me toh koi kaamchor nahi aayega" (Hindi for - No biggie, call them in, but you have to handle everything as no one is going to get off their asses in off hours) pointing towards the yawning stewards. They have been working there for more than a decade and even Madhuri wasn't new for them.

"Thank you sir jee" and I ran again towards Madhuri.

Broke rule no. 1

"Welcome to Sampan. Well, you can have a seat here and I will help you with your party order."

"You are so sweet. Thank you for doing that." awwwwww

She was the first actress I came across, who didn't come with a baby-sitter to handle the kids.

But you know what, 

she should have.

Her kids were maniacs. Cute maniacs.

They started running around the whole restaurant. Climbing on sofas and tables and everywhere they could manage to. 

The hotel is going to sack me for taking such decisions, I thought.

I watched them  twisting my head in all the directions, as they jumped like ninjas.

And baaaaaaaaammmm... they broke a glass.

"Arin..... come here" she shouted.

"Me tula saangitla. Majha aayushya mushkil kela tyani" (I told you. They've made my life difficult.) complaining to her dad in Marathi.

"I am sorry. Te raakshash aahet" (I am sorry, they are devils) she told me.

Now I understood pretty much everything in Marathi, but I couldn't speak any. I just giggled and said,

"It's okay. They are cute."

"Haha.. you should come home and see them"

I handed her the menus and waited for her to tell me what she wanted for her party.

She was going through the menu like a baffled kid, who didn't know what was written in it. She speaks with her eyes in real life too. They said she had no idea what to do.

Aaaj na chhodunga tujhe, dum dum ma dum... started playing on the khans CD.

Holy moly! what on the world is happening. How could I forget to switch off those catastrophic songs! It seems like we are doing this on purpose. (The song was from one of Madhuri's movie)

But to my surprise, she started tapping her feet and whispered the lyrics to the song, still staring at the menu. Can she be anymore cuter?

"Khurchi ghe aani bas majhya barobar" (take a chair and sit with me) she said.

So... I bragged. I couldn't understand "pretty much everything" in Marathi.

"I am sorry" 

She got up, took a chair and pulled it out for me. I had the tadpole eyes by now. Is she really her?
"I am sorry I don't understand Marathi that well."

"No problem. Bas Ikde" (Marathi for -sit here) I was laughing in my head.

So I sat with three generations of Dixits and from that time on, she wasn't a star to me. She made me forget she was.

After a long search, I did find a picture of her with her father and the kids.

"See, I want a complete Vegetarian meal for 30 people today evening and I don't understand these names. Help me with the order." she requested.

Fortunately, I was a vegetarian too and had gorged on every Vegetarian dish on that menu. FYI, I haven't eaten a better Chinese than Sampan, yet.

"Sure."

I took out my petite diary and pen and started jotting down dishes and the number of servings she would need.

Meanwhile, Raayan and Arin (she told me their names) were still jumping around their Grandpa. They sprung towards me and the younger one started swaying by my shoulders which messed up my hospitality-styled-dorky hair.

"Raayan, I would never bring you out again if you behave this way. Maushi la sorry bol" (say sorry to aunt). So I was her sister now.

"It's ok." It was really okay.

Madhuri kept discussing the party with her dad, while I did my work. Her dad was as respectful as her. A perfect gentleman.

"Mommy, I am hungry" said the elder kid in a cute American accent.

"Can we get some sandwiches here from the coffee shop?" she asked.

That was against the restaurant's rule too. The super-captain to the rescue again.

"Teri mat mari gai hai aaj" (you are nuts!) he concluded.

Broke rule no.2

I ordered some grilled sandwiches for the kids from the coffee shop. She was again very grateful and said thank you a couple of times.

It was more than an hour and a half, I was at the table discussing orders and servings, while the kids enjoyed their sandwiches. She, like a regular housewife, would ask me time and again to reduce the quantity.

She needed the order in the evening and said she would send her driver to pick it up. After finalizing everything, I went inside and entered the order in the system and gave her the check.

She read the numbers and out came those three magical words, that comes out of every Indian woman, at least once in her life.

"Kuch kam hoga?" (any discounts?)

I couldn't control my smile. I couldn't believe how genuine this woman was, regardless to her stardom.

I had the liberty to lessen a certain percentage from the check, which I happily did. She was grateful again.

"Thank you so much. You practically organized the food for my party and handled my kids. What's your name?"

"It was my pleasure. Dhara"

"Thank you Dhara." Her dad thanked me too and started lifting kids from the sofas to leave.

As per the rules law, the employees are not allowed to ask for an autograph or request a picture with a celebrity guest. however that thought never came to mind because of her normal, real and pleasant attitude. It made me forget she was a star.

From that day on wards, I admire her as a person more than as a star.

P.S. This story came out of my mouth the first time I met my husband. He calls me a bragger and still mocks me whenever Madhuri appears on TV.

"Heyy, your didi is here!"

:-|

Hi XL, I am XS. Meet my friend L.

A long time ago, I read an interview of a Brazilian Model, Giselli Monteiro. She confessed that, being born with a thin frame,  in a country where voluptuous women are signified beautiful, she had hard time in modeling. She was advised to get surgeries and restructure her body according to the trend. She however, refused.

I entirely appreciate her decision of not altering herself. She also tried to motivate women through sharing her experience but, she ended her interview with a very disturbing message.

She said "If your body image is not accepted where you are born, never forget, there are places in the world where you would be considered beautiful."

After not being accepted well in Brazil, she flew to France to try her hand on modeling, as the French culture welcomes thinner models with open arms. Surprisingly, she tasted huge success there. She then learnt that, India is a country where the facial beauty is more appreciative than the physical statistics, so she flew to India and starred in a Bollywood film, Love Aaj Kal and not to mention, she was appreciated there too. And this led her to give that above message.

Firstly, not every ordinary girl, can afford to travel around the world, if she thinks she doesn't fit where she already is. Secondly, it is embarrassing and sad, how society forces us to either wear their idea of perfection or quit.

Coming back to my own story, I was born skinny. I was never anorexic. I had a very healthy diet throughout my life. I believe my thinness was hereditary. Most of the times you'll learn about weight issues from over weight people and how the constant censure makes their life miserable. But, this time, it's coming from me, a wafer thin person. Yes, It's difficult to empathize with thin people. Specially in western countries, where it is sometimes considered an asset.

"So what! You are thin, eat a sandwich!"

"You are whining about being thin? You don't even have to diet or go through exhausting exercises!"

"Come on! Thin is in!"

"You can devour French fries and burgers without thinking about their calories!"

.. and so on.

But, that wasn't my story. I grew up in India.

I never met a single person who didn't advocate me to gain weight or consult a doctor or eat some cheese and again, not because anyone cared but, just to fit in. I was picked on as kid. Growing up wasn't a different tale either. I was condemned to a point where I was nicknamed "A twig" by a professor during the farewell ceremony of our high school!

It wasn't just him. The criticism came from strangers, friends, colleagues....everyone, who kept telling me:

"Gain some weight, Indian men like their women curvy!"

"Saree doesn't drape well on a stick"

"You are almost invisible!"

"Do you feel any inferiority complex?"

"You look like a 12 year old!"

and much much more...

I went through some depressive phase because of such fiery comments. I lost my self-confidence. I struggled with a pretty bad self esteem. I just wanted to stuff air in to me and stop people from babbling.

Skinny models or actors are criticized harshly, as they tend to give out wrong message to the audience and that turns the society negative towards all the thin people, forgetting that not everyone diet vigorously but, some are actually BORN skinny.

Among all these scuffles, I was eroded. But, there was one thing I was sure of. The inner-me never desired to alter myself. I was really contended with the way I was. I was on the urge of changing myself just to be liked by others!!

Sometimes, I REALLY wanted to be invisible.

If this was my case, I can't even imagine the horror that is faced by over weight people.

Giselli Monteiro's message had the bitterness but, it was a well proven fact too. Unlike India, where, for more than two decades I was asked to change myself, I did completely okay in countries like France and the US. I wasn't told what to eat or how to look. I was in fact appreciated at times. It was still not a happy discovery.

We women never stop whining about how we are not treated right by men, how we are considered a play toy. But don't you think one of the root-cause of such an ideology, lies within us. We try to mould ourselves the way men would like us. We give society, the chance to shape us according to their likes and dislikes and than we make their perception of beauty, ours.

Why? Because, we want to go with the trend. We want to stay in. We want to be liked by others. We want compliments.

I have never met a woman, who said,

"I want to lose weight because I want to feel healthy" or "I want to gain some weight because I want to be fit."

Instead,

"I want to lose weight so that I could fit in that dress."

"I want to get those curves, like that woman on the cover of Vogue."

"I want to diet, so that my boy likes me."

"I want to be as slim as that model on the runway, so some day I could walk there."

Why can't we just be ourselves, for ourselves? Why can't we make peace with ourselves and our body?

No matter how many times we turn our back, this issue is growing up to be a serious concern. Specially for the coming generation. It is already causing waves in the western countries with a survey saying that, seven in every ten young women want to have a surgery to modify herself. Around 333,000 teens are having surgery every year, already. There are 9.5 to 10 million plastic surgeries per year, alone in America and still growing. And there are much more disturbing numbers, which I am not going to list down here. When weight issues are concerned, most of the teens and adults go through depression not because they are facing any problems, personally but, only because they are judged by people at every instance. The constant pressure from the society and media, for maintaining the perfect shape, is berserk. The criticism has reached to a level where even pregnant women faces hard-slapping comments from public for being fat!!

I so wanted to bury all of these in to myself and forget it ever happened,  as I am far from being in that territory anymore, however I just came across one such incident with a very close friend of mine who was asked, by someone who was supposed to accept her in every way, to stop eating starve and maintain her body. How sad and horrible is that?? How is it possible for a woman to respect a person like this?

I got intensely sad after learning that and  I couldn't stop myself from pouring my raging heart out .

So, all I wanted to say to the beautiful women out there is that, DO NOT make someone else's definition of beauty, yours. Fat, curvy, thin, skinny, pretty, ugly whatever you are, you are yourself and no one else to judge. Love and adore the person you see in the mirror. You owe it to yourself.

There are many women, who want to change themselves just so that they can win affection of someone, who would adore them and stay on their side. That perception is not completely wrong too. Everyone needs a partner because no one deserves to stay alone but, don't let them tell you, you are not beautiful, the way you are.

There will be many men who would ask you to change yourself, be something you are not but, time will pass and there will be that ONE person who would want you, who would love you and who would respect you for the way you are. Who wouldn't want to change you just because you don't fit in the standards of some definition of beauty. That is the time, you will really hold on to him, respect him.

I have that ONE person in my life and he accepted me the way I was. The first person I met, who saw beyond flesh and bones. He loved me for the way I was and I could actually feel it. And that was the time, I felt the most confident. I have never liked myself so much. I just think about the days back and smile on how wrong I was to change myself.

Though I have gained some good pounds and feel heavier than a "twig" now, I still don't regret on what I was and wont ever feel bad about myself if I get back to that phase again.

And remember, even if you don't get that one right person, it is better to be yourself than to be with someone wrong and be judged every moment. Be with a man who don't want a PERFECT woman but, want what you already are.

All of this ramblings should also not make you think that being skinny or being fat is cool.

No.

Being healthy is.

Work out, eat the right food and have a healthy body.

Tell yourself,

"I don't want to be thin, I don't want to be fat, I want to be healthy, for not someone else but, for ME."

I am really not trying to sound sexist here. I have also seen men go through the same phase. In fact, in a much intense way because men are supposed to be, well, men. All strong and muscular and beefy but, the scale of being judged is heavier on the women side.

Exactly what I mean to say here

Every woman have their insecurities and most us try to mask them. Even if everything is perfect, we always feel SOMETHING is just not right and that is in our hormones but, let's embrace all of that. We ARE beautiful and let's not allow anyone to tell us otherwise.  Let's start giving high scores to our self. Let's cut our self some slack. Let's try to change the definition of a perfect woman. Let's try to change the perceptions of how the society sees us. And then we can march ahead for equality.

*All the images are taken from www.google.com