Friday, October 3, 2014

A letter to my mom



TO MOM,

Let me start with a confession. Few years ago, one fine morning, I saw a really old notebook lying in your bedroom. [Let's just say, I see a book, I HAVE to look what it's about. Unless there is something written on it like "personal diary" or "Do not open" or.... "Nicholas Sparks"]. I opened the notebook (sorry mom).
The first page was filled with your name in various fonts and floral designs. The rest few pages were filled with writings in Gujarati. I flipped pages to check the whole book. It seemed that as time passed, you solely used the book for noting down grocery lists, to-do lists or random reminders.

I started reading the second page which was written decades ago. The paper was pale and the blue ink on it a little faded. It was a philosophical paragraph written about fish and water. It explained some sort of analogy about humans and their desires. I don't remember much of it, but that was the first time I realized that you were a writer or at least loved writing too. That's when I understood about my indispensable need to put words down with a pen or a keyboard to express myself. There are too many things I got from you, but I am most thankful for this one.

You are one of the most interesting woman in my life. I remember every small things you said and did. "I want to write so much about her character" was your way of paying compliment to one of your favorite daily soap actors. I also remember when you told me about your passion for doing something different in life, doing something to make a difference in the society. I know you saw yourself running among needy people, helping them, cheering them and making their lives better. As a person and a woman, your opinions and ideas were always unconventional. You even chose bold paths for us, rather than doing what parents were supposed to do with their daughters.

I don't think I'll ever get over this picture of you. It's perfect.

I know you could have a done a lot more in life than what you have already done (which of course is plenty), but you chose to sacrifice it all for your family, for us. I never saw regret in your eyes. You did it with pride. Your values, your character and your beliefs molded me in to a person I can feel good about. You have a heart of a child and your conscience is filled with empathy and love towards people around you.

It's your birthday today and I have always forwarded you this old article that I wrote few years ago because that pretty much explains how I feel about you, but this time I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me as a person than as a mother. You are more than a wife and a mother. You are a beautiful human being who bettered so many lives. I hope you don't feel otherwise. I am proud of you and I am proud to be your daughter.

There is not a single moment when I don't feel your absence. I miss you more than my heart could bear and I wish to see you soon.

Stay healthy and happy. Stay awesome.

I love you.
Happy Birthday,

Kittu